Sowetan’s cover story on Monday was shocking to say the least. It was clear pornography. The brouhaha that ensued was incredible. Some reacted with shock, some with disgust, but if we all to be honest with ourselves it was more of a curiousity that anything on most peoples parts. Otherwise why do so many people have the video of the fallen “sex cops”.

You see on the cover of the paper was a picture of two cops, a correctional services offices and a police reservists in a pornographic display of their affection. what was even more shocking was the clearly visible wedding ring on the female’s finger!

While South Africa is feeling very sorry for the woman and the man and the aftermath of their idiotic behaviour, I cannot help but feel sorry for their families and the embarrassment this whole fiasco must have surely caused them.

I have seen the video myself *hiding* and it was not as graphic as I expected it to be, but if you think of the culprits as normal people, you know the same way you think about your neighbours, then it suddenly does not look very flattering. I cant even put the link to that story on here, out of fear of being a labeled, Google it yourself if you haven’t seen it or send me an email *hiding again*

Me thinks the moral of this whole story is, as the saying goes, “life is like a jar of jalapenos – what you do today, might burn your arse tomorrow”. be very careful!

As part of my resolutions for 2011, I will post a blog at least once a week. But first I have to develop habits that will ensure that I have a constant flow of topics to write about. Simply sitting at home with the boyfriend watching soccer and fighting over the old remote will not nurture my intellectual capabilities and will eventually turn me into a boring person.

The fact that I live in a completely foreign town, with zero friends is really not helping the situation either. My non-existent bank balance does not allow me to travel and see any new places either. Basically, I really do not have much going in my life at present.

I should either obey the old testament instruction to procreate in order to have something to keep me busy or I should find something in my seemingly boring existence that I can make interesting.  Again my non-existent bank balance makes it almost illegal to even think of making babies, so I will stick to the latter.

See... he can barely get his arm around me.

The only interesting thing in my life is the growing tractor tyre around my waist. So that should keep me motivated enough to do stuff. First I will find a gymnasium in this tired old town. I’d be looking forward to the prospect of meeting a hunk there but I already have one in the making at home. So we’ll strike that dream.

• I have stopped drinking alcohol altogether because it is not helping the situation here. I have been sober for about…..ummm….. 6 DAYS (PROGRESS!!!!). I’m definitely on the right track with that one.
• I will stop reading boring old novels. One needs to sit and chew something to be fully engrossed in a book.
• I WILL STOP WATCHING THE FOOD NETWORK ON DSTV. It’s a sick habit.
• More sex. . .
• I will at least put that exercise DVD I spent my life savings on in the player.

Now hopefully all of this will keep be busy enough in the next year to maintain a blog.



I have to force the boyfriend to eat up all the junk in the house so that there is limited temptation. Yours truly can harldy look at a packet of chips without salivating.
Basically it’s definitely not looking good.

Anyhow I’m giving myself a full month to get back to size 38 and back to 36 by December. Everything must go, the stomach, flabby arms, big thighs and everything else that was not here 2 years back.
Here is the plan:
• No KFC
• No Margarine
• No Mayonnaise
• No Bread
• No fizzy drinks
• No alcohol – It makes you snack a lot
• And no Simba chips, sloppy chips, and anything type of potato that was fried and flavoured in either seasoning or vinegar.
• No sweets
• No pies
• No frying
I have not formulated a diet plan yet because at the moment I can’t even afford lettuce. So for now I will eat everything else I have in my house.
I will take a picture of myself and post it tomorrow so you what I’m about.
Back to the jogging.
The field? A tennis field ( I honestly have no idea how big it is but we run around it about 20 times) I get tired after 7 bouts and then alternate the jogging and running.
I think I will start saving for an exercise bite… i think a spinning bike will do for when it rains.

Apparently it’s a political conspiracy. Masizole Mnqasela a DA MP is accused of raping a 17 year old at his parliamentary home early this year.

I’m not here to judge, rape is wrong. Lying about being raped is also wrong. But who is to judge at this stage. Did we not do the same thing to a certain guy who now has a shower permanently lodged on top of his head in cartoon depictions of him? I’m just saying, iseealotofbias. The DA needs to stop advocating in such serious matters if all cases will not be looked at from the same light. It sends a wrong message.

If somebody is accused of rape we need to know exactly what happened and hear both sides and wait for doctors reports and such things before we start drawing large placards and embarrassing the “victim”. If she was not raped and it is all a political conspiracy, let it be proven in court. If it was not a political conspiracy and she was raped, WTF will the DA youth’s response be?

None of us were there, and we should try and be sensitive and objective. Let’s stop all this nonsense about a third force and find out what such an old man (OK maybe not that old) was doing with a 17 year old in his house anyway.

So the strike is keeping everybody on their toes, literally. As Trevor Noah put “South Africans are the only people that sing and dance when they are angry”. It could be worse, because, we could be in Mozambique or somewhere else where they riot when they are angry.

But here is my theory, not forgetting that I barely passed maths in high school and have yet to complete my BA degree. My income per day all inclusive = R700,00. The union is fighting for R300 real money increase for housing allowance per month. And 8.6 % increase to the rest of my package per month = R1260 approximately.

This give my an increase of about R1560 per month. Which seems like a workable increase… until I give you the rest of my theory.

The government has adopted a no work no pay policy. R700 x 18 days so far = R12600

Basically you end up owing the employer a lot more than the increase you are fighting for. So the deductions on ones salary for the days that one was busy striking will be equal to the amount of money that one was supposed to get after negotiations. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Who is fooling who?

I’m not a public servant, but I stand in full support of the strike. Senior officials need to forget everything else for a minute and put themselves in other peoples shoes for a bit. And see if a take home pay of R5000 will take them far. No bank will give you a bond and the same government will not approve your application for an RDP house because you work. WTF?

Mind you I have not even started to go into the factors that worry me even more. Such as the number of TB patients that were not able to access treatment, iseeadisasterafterthestrike. Also the number of sick people who had to struggle to get help…I could go on the whole day.

Yes, the president has once again sired an offspring with another one of his concubines. Clearly he’s trying to out so the other man in the Bible who had a 1000 (I think). I forget who it was. But here’s what I’m saying, why are we always focusing on HIV each time Mr. Jacob Zuma has a new lady? What if he’s a regular tester and he takes all his ladies with? So then why are we always assuming that he is having unsafe sex? Aren’t we always told that if both parties have tested and know that they are both HIV negative and have been cleared of STI’s, and blah, blah, blah, they can then go ahead and start reproducing?

What if the new addition to the Zuma heirs was planned? Because none of us were there and none of us were told if this baby was a mistake. I’m not excluding the fact that the presidents’ morals are being put to question here, because they are. And I think his extramarital activities are starting to scare a few citizens, including yours truly. I’m just saying can we, in our speculating and assuming and judging, show a little respect, for the President, his Wives, all his other girlfriends (if any), and his children (all 20? Of them).

We understand culture and tradition. I may not fully understand how polygamy works because it is not normal practice in mine. But I think you consult and you follow procedure before you consummate or start the reproductive processes. But like I said, I don’t really know.

I don’t even want to talk about what Irvin Khosa must be feeling about all this? I’d be in a state if my child had a child with my 68 year old friend who happens to have a few wives, and is still possibly looking for more and has more than a few children. Phew!!! Enough said.

Now I’m no politician and I’m no social scientists. In fact I’m still struggling with the final two subject the will make me a qualified social scientist. For now I’m just a lay person.  I will therefore refuse to be held responsible for my uneducated ,anti-social and counter-revolutionary opinions.

So why is it that our Cabinet ministers are expected to live like us, lay citizens? Why is it that we had no problems voting them in, but we have very serious issues with them going on serious shopping sprees with our money. Why is it that our Ministers really like big cars with all the features that they’ll probably never use.  I think that maybe they feel entitled to some of these things because well, they fought hard for it. I was not there, but the adults in my family were.  I can imagine the entire nation was sitting around watching while the current ministers were marching and getting shot at in the streets.  No one ever took part in these things because they probably never had the time, they were too content with their current situation. Everyone must should leave them alone seeing that they went out of their way to make life more bearable for us. We repay them by being ungrateful and complaining each time they make a small purchase and give tenders and employment opportunities to their friends and relatives.  And we are just enjoying the fruits of their hard work, we languish in our state-of-the-art shacks and luxurious pit toilets. Even Comrade Blade, the eternal communist, managed to get himself a great big car, nothing wrong with that, but ain’t he supposed to be different.

I can’t help but  wonder again, because they have top jobs and like in any other large organisation the top brass are entitled to credit cards and car allowances, maybe they deserve it too. But I ask myself again, the state is not really an organisation, it’s a state.

George Orwell got it right a long time ago. and his message is as relevant today as it was when he wrote Animal Farm. The apartheid government built low cost housing for the black people and provided them with the basics of everything. The state officials and their friends (I’m assuming it’s all the other white people) were living large. Big houses  with tennis courts and Olympic sized swimming pools and big cars. Although we have rights and political freedom and access to “better” education and health care, we have social grants and all of those hand outs from government, is life really all that better? For all?

The things that the Ministers are supposed to have fought for are now in place, is it not time that we now try to sustain it and properly administer everything by handing the governing over to people who have the relevant know how.  But clearly such a travesty will never occur, not in this generation anyway.

But what can we ever say, after all “all animals are equal, some are just more equal than others”…

Yesterday a man was allegedly caught with his pants down raping a child. Needles to say by the time I got to the scene the man was unable to speak and I think that had the people had their way with him for 3 more minutes he’d be dead.  Which in my opinion would not have been a bad thing. It would have been good riddance to bad rubbish and our beautiful township would have one less idiot to worry about.

I don’t usually believe in people taking the law into their own hands but such cruelty cannot wait for the law. He’s an old sick man who messes up children ‘s lives for kicks. By the time they get to investigations and court and DNA tests…. I think it is good that the child got to witness first hand that the community she lives in is more than happy to protect her and to fight for her. I think it is good that she saw what happened to the bastard that just hurt her in the most unimaginable way. I hope she’ll feel much safer knowing that all the other parents and uncles, and brothers and sisters in her neighbourhood are not willing to sit back and let her get victimised. They are more than willing to risk jail themselves to protect her and fight for her.

South Africa, our kids need more protection from us, our kids need to know that every parent is my parent and every aunt is my aunt.  I’m afraid to bring a child into a place where 13 year olds are ignored when they drink and smoke in the street and kiss at street corners and parks. When I was growing no adult would tolerate such nonsense, even if that adult does not know you. These days we walk past and shake our heads.

Seeing that Mandla Mthembu has lost most of  his millions and Khanyi Mbau has done a major split, I wonder if he’ll ever be able to bounce back. Maybe he can find another company to sue.  I also can’t help but wonder which woman is dating him now. She is  probably  hoping to help him finish off whatever coins he has left.

You see I’m not the gold digging type. Most days, when I’m broke, which translates back to most days, I wish I was the gold digging type. I just don’t have the courage to face an old naked man with his wrinkled skin and other things I dare not mention here. But I have a disgusting mind. And I can’t help but always wonder what could have led him to being single in his old age. By old I mean anyone who is old enough to have me as his third born child. And I’m 25. And who likes to spend time talking about his days in exile and who takes flowers to the graves of all his friends in his spare time.

I would never survive life with a sugar daddy. I’d probably drink myself to death. Because to face the old man I’d have to be absolutely drunk. That should take a couple of months off his real age and make him look a few weeks younger. I think.

I’m saying this because I met a person in this small town who made me feel like the greatest underachiever of all time. Because she has all the material things I want . Nice car, nice hair, nice clothes, nice house and lots of good wine on stand-by. I found out that she has a great man in her life. And he is old enough to be an ancestor. At least I’m not such a huge underachiever after all.

I admit I’m jealous because I can’t get any of those things in such a short space of time because of my weird liking of young guys my own age with tight buns. I don’t even mind (all that much…. ahem.) that some of the guys I meet have the audacity to tell me they are still living with their parents.